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A: Hey! Come on. Let's move!
B: No!
A: Come on. I made you a special breakfast.
B: You can't cook.
A: You look beautiful.
B: I look like a Disney character. Where's the "special"?
A: The what?
B: You said you made me a special breakfast. Please don't make me go. You can keep homeschooling me.
A: I've taught you everything I know.
B: But I don't wanna go.
A: Well, I don't wanna go to work, but I do.
B: You don't go to work. You fix the boats on a dock.
A: Okay. It's a poor example, but you're still going.
B: But what about Fred?
A: What about him?
B: You won't take care of him. You don't like cats.
A: I don't like two-eyed cats. Fred, as you know, is monocular.
B: Who's gonna throw him his ping pong ball? 
A: Fred's gonna be fine. No more argument, okay? We've discussed this ad nauseam.
B: What's ad nauseam?
A: Oh, you don't know? Well, looks like someone needs school.
C: One plus one is two. Who can tell me what two plus two is? Who's got it? Mmm-hmm?
D: Four.
C: Excellent, Donna. It is. Two plus two is, indeed, four. Okay, who wants to try three plus three?
B: Three plus three? Really?
C: I beg your pardon?
B: What kinda school is this anyway?
C: It's the kind of school where students don't speak without permission.
B: All right. But everyone knows it's six.
C: Nobody in this classroom speaks unless they are called upon. Okay? Is everybody clear on that?
E: Yes, ma'am.
C: Good. Mary, can you stand up please? Stand on up. Stand up, babe. These questions are for you because you're so advanced. What is nine plus eight?
B: 17.
C: Yeah. Yes, it is. That's good. What is 15 plus 17?
B: 32.
C: Yeah. That is right. All right, then. Well, what is 57 plus 135?
B: 192.
C: Yeah. Can you tell me what 57 multiplied by 135 is? Okay. Who can tell me what four... 
B: 7,695. Now what does ad nauseam mean? 
C: I have a very strange kid.
F: I have 27 strange kids.
C: Good morning.
E: Good morning, good morning, good morning.
C: That's great, guys, but take your seats, okay?
F: Oh, God. See ya.
G: Good morning, Ms. Stevenson.
C: Good morning.
G: Mind if I sit in?
C: Not at all! Okay, class. I have a treat for you. I would like to introduce you to our principal, Mrs. Davis.
G: Good morning, first graders.
E: Good morning, Mrs. Davis.
G: Are you ready for a great year?
E: Yes!
C: Uh... Yes, Mary?
B: She's the boss?
C: Mrs. Davis is our principal. Mm-kay...
B: Okay. Now I want you to get on your phone and call Frank and tell him to get me out of here!
F: Wait a minute. That's the dad? I know him. I see him at Ferg's almost every Friday night. He's the quiet, damaged hot guy.
C: What are you doing at Ferg's every Friday night?
F: Trying to get picked up by him.
C: Excuse me? Hi.
B: Oh. Look, it's my teacher. Probably wants to remind me what one plus one is.
A: Go to the car, okay?
C: Hi.
A: Hi.
C: Sorry to yell at you and then chase you down.
A: It's okay. Mary's teacher?
C: Yes. I'm Bonnie Stevenson.
A: Frank. How are you? Sorry about today. I know she got a little overexcited. I think it's just first day jitters.
C: Sure. Yeah.
A: We're running a little late actually. We gotta get going.
C: Okay. I don't even wanna talk about that. I'll keep you just a minute.
A: Okay.
C: I think, I think your daughter...I think Mary might be gifted.
B: For the record, I didn't wanna go to the stupid school in the first place. And the boy in the next row acts inappropriately for someone who's a child.
A: I'm sorry. I'm still passive aggressively ignoring you.
B: Other kids answer questions. They don't get into trouble.
A: You didn't get in trouble for answering questions. You yelled at the principal. You know what? You're gonna find this interesting. So, I googled "first graders who yell at the principal..." and statistically, you're never gonna believe how many kids do it.
B: How many? 
A: None.
B: Frank, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.
A: Yeah. right. You can't show off like that at school.
B: I know.
A: You promised you wouldn't, then the first day...
B: I know, I know. I screwed up.
B: Get a hold of yourself. For my Show and Tell, I have the most awesome cat in the history of time. Not only is his name Fred, but...He has just one eye. Uno. Go ahead and count, but I promise you, it's always one.
H: How did he lose his eye?
B: I don't know. I wasn't there. Just found him inside of a trash can next to a bottle of alcohol or something. He is a smart, smart cat, but no one realizes that. No one understands him. No one.
E: Oh.
I: Look out. Look out. Your little animals are escaping, dumbass.
B: Hey! You should not be laughing! You did a mean thing to a little kid!
I: What are you gonna do about it?
A: Hey. Hey, you okay? You good? All right. 
G: How do we resolve this? You know, she could be expelled.
A: God. I hope not. But if every other first-time offender was expelled, I guess fair is fair.
G: Are you gonna take this seriously?
A: Sure. You don't bluff me, I don't bluff you. 
G: Ms. Stevenson believes that your child is exceptional and has talents that our curriculum can't begin to challenge. It just so happens that I am good friends with the headmaster of the Oaks Academy for Gifted Education. He has always said that if I find that one in a million...
A: And the one in a million has a $30,000 tuition.
G: Mr. Adler, I can get your daughter a scholarship. Full ride. I wouldn't say it if I couldn't do it.
A: I realize, putting that girl in that setting, you know, 99 times out of a 100, that's what you do. It's the Oaks. It's a great school. I looked into it. But this family has a history with those schools. And I think the last thing that little girl needs is reinforcement that she's different. Trust me, she knows. So...I think Mary, I think she's gotta be here. Today's a bad ending. You can't hit people. But a 12 year-old bullies a seven-year-old and she stands up? Do you know how important it is to me that she did that? You know how proud I am of her? Aren't you? So, I'm sorry. I wish I could take your offer, but Mary stays unless you kick her out.
G: This is a mistake. We'll never be able to raise this child to the level of scholarship she deserves.
A: Well, just dumb her down into a decent human being. Everybody wins.
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